They dive in boots and all, cutting throats first and asking questions later, reveling in the anonymity of the internet. They spare no-one’s feelings with their invective; not journalists, not photographers, not each other - and certainly not Kevin Rudd.
They’ll debate any issue, as long as it doesn’t mean listening to anyone else. They’re experts in everything, while knowing nothing. They’re the bravest of the brave, without the courage to use their own names.
They are the LIVENEWS.com.au commentators and they mean business.
Well, they’ve had their say, now it’s my turn.
What follows is an abridged list of our most prolific, our most infamous, our most bile-filled and our most scatological.
I salute you all.
Bob Phillips
Bob doesn’t comment often but when he does everyone appreciates his considered logic. Here’s a taste, “Oh Mr Howard, how I miss thee! May you find it in your heart to forgive the retarded pinko spastic poofs who had the gall to vote you out. Jesus Christ was the greatest man to ever walk the earth, but you come a close second! As for you Labour twats - mark my words, God will punish you for taking this country down the path of the Loony Left. Karma's a bitch, commies - hopefully another 9/11 is on its way for you.” And who can forget, “ Mr KRUDD the bleeding-heart DUDD! Trust him to show sympathy for the Japanese, who are the most racist people on this planet! Lest us REAL Australians (not traitors like KRUDD) forget, it was THEIR imperial armed forces that tortured our POWs, and those of the United States of America. Those bastards DESERVED to be nuked, that was the only way to stop their bullying aggression towards our glorious Western society. As for this "ban the bomb" crap, say no more - QUEER.”
Daniel David Ball
Daniel went through a spurt of being LIVENEWS.com.au’s most prolific commenter – no mean feat given the competition. He has a number of pseudonyms like Happy Fun Ball, Odd Ball and Inevita Ball and has a massive presence on YouTube. In one of his videos he sings a song to Kevin Rudd, “You see me in the street, you say how are you good luck but you don’t mean it when you know as well as me you’d rather see me paralysed.” He also had a series of very humorous videos where he sang along to tracks like Erick Bogle’s ‘And The Band Played Waltzing Matilda’ backed with poignant still image montages. Surprisingly Happy Fun Ball, while hating Kevin Rudd and all things Labor, is quite a moderate commentator.
Geoffery Bolton, Lane Cove
He’s the first to offer knee jerk and vitriolic criticism of any article that may be even remotely positive towards the Labor Party. If we write a story on water being discovered on Mars – he’ll ask why Kevin Rudd isn’t using it to solve the water crisis. If we publish a yarn on armed youths terrorising a neighbourhood Geoff would point out that the Prime Minister also has arms. He would likely blame his own erectile dysfunction on Big Kev. Like any good comic book hero he has one superpower – the power to politicise any issue. Unfortunately for Geoff, this power is not unique to him in the ‘BIFF!’ ‘KAPOW!’ world of LIVENEWS.com.au reader forums.
Corey Worthington, Narre Warren
OK, so Corey has never actually commented on the site. But plenty have commented on him. Some absolutely love him like Kirah Bristow, “omfg coey wothingtion wat a babe he is sooo hott he will win big bro for sure i love him so much it not funny i dnt care what he did when he had that party i think that what pretty kwl and i dont cant people not love him i love him so much i want to marry him lol and i want him all to myself lol he is so hotttttttttt t'!!”
Others, Like Zennon Downard, on the other hand were not so impressed, “he id a dichead and should be shot in the knee cap and then thrown in to a pile on poo and then spat on.”
Others, like Matt Spence, were a little confused, “COREY SUCK COREY SUCK HE REALY REALY SUCK HE REALY REALY SUCK .... AND SO DOES BB ANSD I SUCK HARD ASWELL REAL HARD”
Others like tenille freier however couldn’t be convinced and thought Corey made a lot of sense, “how could anyone think corey is ugly he is like that good u could drool by looking at him! he reminds me of me in male form. i wanna party with him!”
Slick 6
One of the most reasonable commentators on the site. Slick likes to poke fun and stir the pot, but is always worth a read.
Graeme Henderson, Darling Downs
Graeme loves to pick a fight. He’ll do politics, but he’s not fussy. He’s just as happy to attack parents for being, well, parents. “Parents are the most common murderers of children. Parents are the most common abusers of children. Parents starve their children to death and commit incest. Parents have a lot to answer for and yet they present themselves as being the up holders of social standards.” If there’s someone on the site who knows how to hit a raw nerve, it won’t be Graeme – he’ll be getting into it with a jackhammer.
Sean Ambrose
Sean has by far the most comments rejected – they tend to be offensive, scatological and defamatory. Some have even made LIVENEWS.com.au moderators dry wretch over their keyboards. LIVENEWS.com.au Editor Anil Lambert-Patel says Ambrose’s work is like reading a John Birmingham novel while getting punched in the face.
But these are just my opinions and what would I know? According to C Meyers I’m a bit on the slow side: “Tim nice but Dim - applies to you, big time. Dim is a very polite way of saying that you are a complete ARSE.”
Or as Keith Rowland puts it “who or what is a tim brunero........reminds of that small finger ad. for dickhead drivers”. Or as Gazza Benson pu it, “Typical immature Brunero. Can't get a headline, so picks a position to try and stir up debate. Tim, grow up and do something useful (for a change).”
But there’re so many quality regulars on LIVENEWS.com.au, I’m afraid I’ve had to leave many out.
I’m sure you’ll be keen to have a go yourself, so over to you…